The first time that I heard about research was during my school days. It meant something related to studies, more specifically with science. Aspiring to be an ART-ist, read Academician, Researcher and Teacher, was not the most important aspect of life back them. With advancing stages of education, the meaning of research seems to only get larger and larger. During undergraduate days, research meant just another word about which I did not have to do anything in particular.

Things changed quite drastically and dramatically during my post-graduation training. Suddenly we found ourselves in a new world of protocols, seminars, journal clubs, short studies, library dissertations, blah, blah, blah. This was the bridge course from UG to PG. Once we successfully cleared the big hurdle of PG exams eventually in life, phewww……..we settled into our jobs. The pioneering, earth-shattering, ground-breaking, game-changing circular from the apex body was in every sense, a blot from the blue. Publications were now mandatory for faculty promotions. We had been hit!! Mayday!! Mayday!! Mayday!!

We began our frantic journey of “operation publications”. Things have steadily changed over a period of time. We have now progressed to an era of in-tenure publications. Now undergraduates, post graduates, PhD students, faculty members, even clinicians and private practitioners are talking about research. Why are people into research? This is an amazing research question in itself.

Another universal phenomenon is marriage. I cannot but wonder at the strange commonalities that research and marriage seem to share. The following is an attempt to research the marriage between research and marriage. At the outset, we need to ponder as to why people undertake these humungous initiatives.

“Obedient” researchers:

One of the most common reason for students to initiate research is that their HOD/guide is interested in it. Novices will be casually told to “just have a look at it”. It is only later that the senior PGs and junior staff members will reveal the true, actual and in depth meaning and implications of the phrase “just have a look at it” to the hapless new rookie-on-the-block. These students invariably end up telling that they do not seem to find anything worthwhile in the topic, but their higher ups want them venture into this “wild goose chase”. It is the prerogative, whole and sole responsibility, and bound duty of this fresher to formulate this into a brand new protocol that will eventually and ultimately save the world. Bingo!!

Marriages tend to be initiated on a similar note, especially in the market of “arranged marriage”. Eligible bachelors/spinsters will be told to “just have a look” at the profile. Those who are a bit adventurous and prefer to choose their life partners on their own also tend to start with the premise that they will “just have a look”. Somewhere down the line, all partnerships will end up with “there is nothing worthwhile in this topic”, but they still have to pursue them. That vague concept which is glorified all over the world; in innumerable movies, novels and media; that which people hail as the essence of human existence; what people call ‘romance’ seems to have vanished into thin air. So soon, so fast. Phew!!

“Mandatory” researchers:

These researchers pursue research only because it is clearly stated in the great annals of their curriculum that they will not be able to acquire their degree without conducting a significant body of ‘significant’ research. If the statuary bodies decide one fine day that research is no longer mandatory to obtain any degree or for promotions and is only optional, will they still pursue their quest for new knowledge to expand the horizons of human understanding and thinking? Ummm…..Aaaaaa…….Errrrrrrr.

            Many individuals end up tying the proverbial knot because marriage is also a part of the curriculum called ‘life’. When they run out of all possible reasons and excuses, it slowly dawns on them that marriage is inevitable. The question of “what will the others say” if they stay single forever will keep haunting them. They will have to save themselves and their parents from the embarrassment of not being married. These norms do vary from country to country and from region to region and more importantly, from time to time.

“Peer-pressure” researchers:

            This usually happens with the undergraduates who are keen to build their resume. Suddenly when the ‘trend’ of initiating research picks up in a batch of students, everyone is super-eager to jump on the bandwagon of wannabe researchers. They do not seem to think much beyond this. So much for clarity of thought and a well thought about research question.

            When every other person has a boyfriend/girlfriend, there seems to be some sense of urgency in everyone to ‘get’ themselves a partner. Whether they will like each other’s company or not, whether they can indulge in 2 decent lines of civilized conversation with each other or not seems quite immaterial. It’s all about the status of having a partner. When this is applied to marriage, the stakes can be quite high. William Pollard, the British Physicist and priest, quoted “change is not always growth just a movement is not always progress”. Peer pressure can do wonders to one’s resume and err….. to (married) life in general!!

“Gold-digger” researchers:

            Many researchers want something for themselves out of research. It can be publications, grants, international collaborations. The name-fame-glory that comes with it. There does not seem to be anything wrong with that though. On this charge, I plead guilty. But doing research with the sole intention of “operation CV-enhancement”, well, that’s something else. We do come across many individuals who are so intensely focused on the self, like horses with blinkers. Nothing else matters, nobody else matters. A long, intense, and harrowing ego trip.  

            This is similar to many individuals saying that they are getting married to someone because he/she is rich. They are clearly focused on the luxuries that their commitment can get them. The lifestyle, the parties, the expansive villas and expensive cars. Oh!! What a life!! Companionship, camaraderie, soul mates, sharing and caring, walking hand in hand. Well, whats that??!!

“Deadline” researchers:

            This category of researchers put up protocols mainly and sometimes solely to meet the deadline of their universities/departments/HODs/guides. I have been contacted many times by tense students who ask me to ‘complete’ their almost-complete-protocol. On opening their word document, the protocol would abruptly end after a couple of pages of purely plagiarized content. I then ask them for the entire-whole-complete document. The students then pose with a face of an innocent little cat that is chased and hounded by a bunch of irascible canines. Wokay!! Got it!! They have to submit this protocol ASAP. It is like having to complete a closed gate community of housing apartments loaded with swimming pool, Jacuzzi and spa, gymnasium, tennis courts, play area for kids, lifts, parking amenities, security arrangements, all within a weeks’ time. Desperate times call for desperate measures!!

            Deadline marriages are mostly common among individuals visiting their homeland during vacations. Parents are eager to finalize a wedding proposal within 2 weeks. That’s pretty tight!! Or rather loose for choosing a life partner!! Many eligible bachelors or spinsters often tend to panic because they are XYZ years old and they have to get hooked ASAP. That’s their imaginary and self-imposed deadline for marriage. Deadlines are deadlines nonetheless, irrespective of who imposes them on whom!! It’s like sitting on a time-bomb and the clock is ticking fast. Cometh the moment, cometh the man/woman??!!

“I like it” researchers:

            Very rarely have I come across students or faculty members pursuing one particular and specific research topic because they like/love it, they are passionate about it. People debate intensely about what exactly is passion in work. They have been repeatedly told that one has to be passionate about their work to enhance their productivity.

So the moot question is what specifically does passion in work entail. More importantly, what specifically does passion in research mean? That famous tag line of 1997 commercial about a computer company named after a fruit read “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do”. These people must have found that all elusive ‘passion’.

Now, now, now. There are a whole bunch of people who get hooked to their partners because they like them, because they love them, because they are passionate about them. This is the universal ideal. This is fuelled by glossy eyed movies, colourful commercials, run-of-the-mill novels, life styles of the rich and famous. This seems to be the universal aspiration for the young, even for the not-so-young, and for the not-so-old. Love seems to be the new opium of the masses. Or has always been THE opium of the masses?

“Curious” researchers:

            Very rarely do I come across individuals who are curious to find out about something. More often than not, this set of researchers comprises of the undergraduates. They are more curious than their senior counterparts. As age increases, our thinking gets too muddled by the overweighing burden of theory, and awareness of limitations of practicalities of life. Truly, ignorance is bliss.

            There are some elite novices who are curious about the complex and intricate interactions with the members of the opposite gender. “Curiosity killed the cat??!!”. Let us not get there. Shall we??!! However, after marriage, if one’s wife gets curious about her husband’s glorious checkered past, she will conduct a “systematic review” and provide “evidence” for further activities. This is what is called as “impacting the lives of others” by research.

“Maverick” researchers:

            This set of researchers work with very high levels of passion and dedication. They are driven by their immense and intense desire to bring about a change. Its almost an obsession. They write papers to disrupt. They want to disrupt the status quo, because this disruption will bring about a change, hopefully for the better. They constitute the other end of the spectrum of researchers who end up ringing all the bells in my head if I happen to interact with them.

They do pose some extremely uncomfortable questions to me. They ask me of what use is my publication? Has it brought about any meaningful/substantial change? Or has it only added to the weight of this big round earth? Now it is my turn to make the face of an innocent little cat being chased and hounded by set of irascible dogs…. Err…. Lions, cheetahs, tigers and panthers….well wait!! There is a T-rex!! I quietly pick up an excuse like an imaginary, incoming, (read: non-existent) phone call and slip away to freedom. Liberty!! Phewwww!!

Many eons ago, I thought that people who were not particularly good at anything ended up being academicians. Once I became an academician, in my case, I realized it was so true!! All that I am worried is about my citations, h-index, impact factor, i-10 index. (PS: i-10 here doesn’t refer to a car. But I like i-20 more than i-10. The car of course!!). Saving the world isn’t exactly on the menu. That’s for another time, another day. How convenient!! Heights of hypocrisy.

Some apply these dangerous principles and practices in their dealings with the members of the opposite genders. String of commitments followed by a string of breakups. Trying to find the all elusive soul mate and finding eternal, self-less love. They are the cutting edge researches who delve into the complex intricacies of marriage.

Twist in the plot!!

           I was told this story when I was a kid (read: long ago). A big dam was being built in a village and many local villagers found employment in this undertaking. An outsider walked in and asked the newly employed villagers as to why they were working. Most of them told that they “had to somehow make a living”, “boss was very strict”, “father was forcing us to work”. An enthusiastic villager told that he was working because the village stands to prosper if this dam is built. He added that the entire nation may benefit. With a big smile on his face, he simply said that he loved his work. That’s how research works too. Research work should ultimately benefit someone. That is the heart of research.

One of the best reasons to get married is that one should like their would-be partners. Even in conservative societies, this question is popped to the wannabe brides and bridegrooms: do they like the ‘candidate’ in question. One cannot say that they are getting married to save the world though. One has to only save ones’ own self after marriage.

Honourable mentions:

• Research, like marriage, is a life-long commitment. Some random student/faculty can question you in some random conference/scientific gatherings about your old, badly researched and badly written paper. Your wife can question you randomly about any random event in your past, present and even future in any random gathering.
• You need scientific basis and foundation for research. One’s wife also has scientific basis for all allegations, its called intuition.
• You need clearances for both research and marriage: ethical for former and familial for the latter. Norms for research are getting more stringent, while norms for marriage are getting less stringent.
• In research, A is better than B only if the statistician says so. In marriage, A is better than B only if your wife says so.
• Research is objective and unbiased search for the truth. If your wife starts searching for your truths, may the Lord be with you.
• Statistician is always right. Your wife is always right.
• One cannot argue with a statistician. One cannot argue with one’s wife. If your wife happens to be a statistician, may the Almighty save you.

At the end of the day:

            If there is one word which means different things to different people, it is research. Its easily one of the most subjective phenomenon in the world. I always get very interesting answers if I ask individuals for their reasons for pursuing research. From the obedient researchers to the mavericks, from the I-like-it researchers to the gold diggers. We are all in it, for our own reasons. Ultimately, research which benefits someone will stand the test of the time. It has to lead to progress in the discipline, no matter how ‘small’ this progress might be.

Our lives are constantly changing in this current world of social media and internet. The whole world is now seen as a global village. This has had an impact in the way members of the opposite gender interact too. George Sand had famously quoted “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved”.

           I quote it’s contemporary academic clone: “There is only one happiness in life, to publish and to be cited”.